Well, it's now twenty minutes over with, but I definately could have done without it.

So I got a hold of Alyssa's mom to let her know, that Zachs teachers, (three or four of which are also Alyssa's teacher) all know about their relationship, their REAL relationship. She wanted to know details, so I sent emails and she wanted to know if the interaction the kids are having is current. YES!! Thus the reason I'm so PISSED! So I don't know how she feels, I told her in email I'm sorry, I hope I didn't offend her, but really we have no choice anymore but to let the teachers in on it.

Jeff didn't talk to Zach about it tonight, he wanted to just focus on my bday, which was nice.

On top of it all, mom didn't call me or nothing, Not a surprise, I usually don't get an acknowledgement of my bday from her. But still makes me sad. It's not a hard one to remember, it's always on or near mothers day.

Guess people don't like Sea lions, I get a kick out of them. It's so awesome, how so many animals and birds, you think are no big deal, but really have so much personality.

I'm thinking I'm going to make a new heading for my blog.

It's late, I thought I would have no trouble sleeping, usually crying all day helps in that catagory, but guess not tonight.

Thought I needed to post about something fun, so I'm going to share my video from Newport Bay Front, where some sea lions hangout, I love going and watching them, they are awesome.

I emailed Zachs teacher, and she responded, I then went ahead and asked if Zach and Alyssa were interacting in class, and she said yeah alot, they sit next to eachother and hold hands and everything. When will they fucking stop acting so stupid, and when will the boy quit fucking lieing to us!!!! I would be pulling him out of school right now if he was mine, cause we told him, if we have to we would to make sure they were interacting at school!

I have been on here for an hour, I couldn't sleep. Woke up with the restless leg crap going on, it's always worse if I drink caffiene, then took a bath, and layed down with racing thoughts so got up and here I am. Then I realize it's actually my 37th birthday. I can't believe Iam nearly 40, not sure if I should be scared of that, or thrilled that I will be that much closer to no longer parenting teens.

I haven't been too happy with myself lately. I am in a funk that I just can't get myself pulled out of. I must have gained 15 pounds since I went back on the call list in February. Which puts me back up where I was the first time I started weight watchers five or so years ago. I spend alot of time complaining, especially about my sister, and I'm just tired of it. I started a bible study, but havent been consistent with that. I'm behind, and missed two weeks in a row. Last week because I overslept, this last Saturday I was at the beach. I'm thinking about volunteering for the Pregnancy Center. Someone mentioned it to me, and thought I would be wonderful. They said I would start out slow then be trained to councel teen girls. Something in me says it would be fantastic. Being that I was a teen mom, and that I am so passionate about the issue now. But I'm concerned about being reliable, I just havent been reliable lately. My anxiety has been aweful lately too. Especially driving. There was an almost aweful accident yesterday, this guy drove by and his two right tires went off the road, he bottomed out, got himself pulled back onto the road, only to lose control and whipped around the road, I thought for she he was going to smash into the car behind us, thank God he didn't, but it triggered my anxiety big time, and we still had 3 hours of driving. I think my hubby was pretty pissed, but he just doesn't understand, as each car passes by, I have a vision in my head of us hitting head on. Or just driving along, and seen the steep cliff of trees and rivers/creeks, I have vivid images of us rolling down it. I'm not real sure why it's necessary to drive 70 on a mountain winding two lane, no shoulder road.

Today, I woke up to my stepsons note he left, stating he has detention after school and he would call. All weekend, and he said nothing so I was concerned and called the school. They said he didn't have it till wednesday. They said he's had five tardy's and he left a class twenty min early. So I waied for him to get home, I saw the kids off the bus, and he wasn't there, so I decided to go to the school and see for my self that he wasn't in detention. I didn't need to, they called the room and he was there. By now I was fuming, and my stomach in knots. ( I don't like having to be a detective) One of the ladies that helped me at the desk in the office happened to be his english teacher whom I had not met. She told me she was his English teacher, I said oh and Alyssa is in the class too, she said yeah, are they related, I said yup. And everyone thinks there not, and she said yeah, they are boyfriend/girlfriend. and I said well they aren't suppose to be anymore. They are not to have any contact at all. She said this was good to know... I don't know what will come of it, Alyssa's mom works there and didn't want anyone to know. We will see if it gets around or not. Anyhow, I was pissed, zach's had detention twice since the 9th, I told hubby I think he should miss out on basketball practice this week, he said Okay... I was shocked! But I'm glad he got a consequence for it. Hubby use to say, that the detention is consequence enough. But where he's still grounded and all, theres not much to choose from for a consequence...

I guess I better get to bed, I'm fading quickly, and only rambling on here.

I don't know why but my videos turned out aweful, I'm quite disappointed,I must have had some setting off or something, cause it's taken great video before... but it gives you an idea.